Our Happy Anniversary

So, I haven't posted in a while because we are basically in a holding pattern and holding quite well! But, today I am inspired to shared a little something.

Eleven years ago today Alex and I were married and began this amazing life together. I remember saying our vows so clearly. I'm often saddened that it seems that the "for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health" part has unfortunately become so muted in our society that it's just something many say and few are prepared to actually do. I, however, am so grateful to have a husband that understands that love is a verb. It's something we do.

While I would love to think that I'm super easy to love and be married to, I'm honest with myself enough to know that Alex has put in a daily effort for eleven years to show me his love. That's 4,015 days in a row that I have had someone make a point to make sure I know I am loved! It can be as simple as waking up specifically to make me coffee because I have an early morning or the way he makes it seem that living a life surrounded by girls & pink fluff is what every man dreams of. It's in everything he does and is. He lives his life for his family and as I look squarely ahead at the challenges that now face us, the only thing I can feel is so tremendously blessed-- Blessed to have had this time with such an amazing person, and blessed to have the opportunity to have more.

Packets, Paperwork, and Plans!

So, it's official. We have our plane tickets for June 15th to Boston. We received a thick packet of paperwork yesterday confirming all of Alex's appointments. It's a little intimidating, but again, we're just grateful for this opportunity! The official surgery date is June 24th. We need to be there the week prior as he has another bronchoscopy scheduled and other pre-op type appointments. He's still amazingly positive and good-spirited. I'm not sure what's harder-- thinking of the surgery or leaving our little girls for about a month! Still, we are constantly reminded by the daily outpouring of love and support from all around us that this will not be the hardship for us that it would be for many. The girls will have their grandparents here with them and are already looking forward to a trip to Nevada to spend a week with their cousins. As we make plans for our time away from them, we are trying our best to make it as fun as possible so not only will their minds be full of fun activities, but maybe they'll even look at it as their own vacation of sorts. They have wonderful neighbor kids and friends close-by to play with and will be visiting Sea World and maybe even Disneyland. We've set-up web-cams on our home computer and the lap-top we'll be taking with us so we can talk to them & see their sweet faces everyday. I know this ability to actually see them will be such an encouragement to Alex as he heals. We have blessings every way we turn.

Delays & Rearranging...

Some good & bad news-- Scheduled the dates for testing and surgery beginning on June 16th. We are waiting so that we only have to make one trip. If we were to leave next week as originally planned, we would have to make several trips for different procedures and preparations that need to be completed, but if we wait, we can make 1 trip and have everything scheduled back-to-back. Alex and I have agreed that this will be much easier on the kids and the household in general. When you have it explained to you that this is not a standard surgery that is just thrown together, it makes it a little easier to wait. Some coordination of surgeons needs to be arranged and other pre-op appointments out here need to be completed first to ensure Alex is in otherwise optimal health for undergoing an operation of this magnitude. So, while it's not as soon as we were hoping, we are still focussing on our gratitude that this opportunity is available to us and we begin what I'm sure will seem like such a long wait....

Monday...Maybe

Took some baby steps this afternoon. The registration department at MGH called and officially registered Alex as a patient there. This comforts me to know he is no longer not really a patient here anymore, but not yet a patient there. It has felt too much like an awkward limbo where they might just misplace him altogether! {I'm sure they wouldn't, but you never know:)} The nurse from Mass General also called and let us know they have Alex on the schedule for evaluation and bronchoscopy on Tuesday and Wednesday. If they can schedule the surgery for next week as well, then we'll take those appointments and be on our way Monday. If not, then we'll move those appointments to closer to the surgery date. So... we're praying for the surgery date to be available next week!!

Basements

Although they are a bit unusual in California, we have a basement in our home, so I understand the magnetic pull the basement has for all the stuff that somehow doesn't fit anywhere else to end up in the basement. However, I was a bit surprised to learn that the CD of images we have been anxiously waiting to arrive in Boston, was in fact delivered on Tuesday morning and has been relaxing in the basement with a delivery clerk named F.J. ever since! The good news is that we can finally get scheduled. The bad news for me is that my nerves caused my Mother's Day manicure to be sacrificed in the process. :(

Going to Harvard

There was definitely a time I can remember as a child when I really believed I would be going to Harvard one day. Clearly, this was not the way I had in mind. Due to the combination of the rare tumor in a rare location, we will be traveling to Massachusetts General Hospital at Harvard Medical Center in Boston any day now. Dr. Douglas Mathisen has agreed to perform Alex's surgery. Not being familiar with thoracic surgeons, this name honestly meant little to me at first. Now, it has been a tremendous source of comfort as we are reminded daily by everyone we speak with that this is the absolute best doctor in the nation, and possibly the world for this surgery. His credentials are a mile long and he is the chief of thoracic surgery at MGH. Crazy, how in a matter of just a few short days, someone you have not even met yet can become your absolute favorite person! :)

Sharks, Lightning, Rattlesnakes, and Black Widows

We have been grateful that many people who have been through similar experiences before have shared much useful information with us. The one tip they have all had in common is to keep your sense of humor! While logically this seems challenging, for Alex, this is cake. While waiting for Alex to have one of his scans done, I was left alone with his chart. So, of course, I snooped hoping to find any piece of new information! What I actually find on page 1 left me in tears, mainly to see his great sense of humor shining in such an otherwise overwhelming moment. Under the question, "Please list any known allergies," Alex writes: Sharks, Lightning, Rattlesnakes, and Black Widows. Humor he definitely has on his side.

Quiet Support

“See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...we need silence to be able to touch souls.” -Mother Teresa

Sometimes just having someone there in silence is the best way to heal.

Some Facts

The facts as we know it are that Alex, who will be 36 in June, has been diagnosed with a malignant (cancerous) carcinoid tumor. His symptoms have been reoccurring coughing fits with blood for some time now, increasing fatigue, and shortness of breath.

**Insert disclaimer** Before you read further, please understand I am in NO way a medical expert and disclose that this information is strictly for the purpose of sharing one experience, not intended to be used to help others self-diagnose, etc.

Carcinoid. A carcinoid tumor is somewhat of a hybrid tumor in the world of cancer. When biopsied, we have been told that these tumors most often have malignant properties with benign behaviors. In Alex's case, the tumor itself is cancerous, but it is a slow grower and has not metastasized (or spread) which is more classic behavior of a non-cancerous tumor. Certainly a positive in a negative situation!

The tumor is shaped similar to a tree. It has a stem that is attached to the wall of his right bronchial tube. From there grows the bulk of the tumor which is closer to the opening of the bronchial tube into the trachea. This blockage has left Alex with just 60% airflow between the 2 lungs. Definitely explains the shortness of breath. Also, with each breath, the tumor moves & bleeds a little which is the likely cause of his constant need to cough and also explains where the blood is coming from.

Fur Balls

The kids... Telling the kids their dad has cancer is like an out of body experience. Logically, you know you are saying the words, but still, you can't believe you are really saying the words. It's just not supposed to happen. At 9 and 7, Emma and Gracie have already been questioning daddy's health in the last month. So, in a heartbreakingly simple moment, Alex called each of the girls in to explain how things will soon be changing a bit. With a hand-drawn picture and a brave explanation, the girls were finally told of the cancerous tumor and the required cross-country surgery.

The response? At just 4, Molly playfully ignores us and we're fine with that! Emma cries herself to sleep and worries about the things every 9 year old would worry about-- Mom stinks at softball, can't ride a dirt bike, doesn't do cross-fit, and {while of course is great at mom stuff :)} just simply isn't the dad that has become so much of a best friend too. Gracie on the other hand simply asks, "Oh, so you have a fur ball?" With a peaceful smile and nod Alex replies, "Exactly."

And with that... we find peace that we have at least made it through this moment.

Patience

Out of a grateful heart for all of our wonderful friends & family who have shared this weight of worry in recent weeks I have stepped into the very unfamiliar world of blogging! Honestly, this is something I have absolutely no experience with, so please bare with me. In a time when patience is a daily theme, I will now have to pass it along in hopes that you will be patient with me! :) Over the next few days and coming weeks, I will do my best to post regular updates and information about Alex and our family's journey. Your prayers & support mean the world to us!