Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

As a friend recently reminded me, Alex and I are former NICU parents so we should remember & take comfort in the "2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back" rule, as you are ultimately still moving forward. And Alex's path is more of the 4 steps forward for every 1 step back so we can take even greater comfort. Nonetheless, despite how infrequently they occur, the steps backwards are extremely frustrating at best.

Today's goal was to wean off the epidural and transition to IV medication and pain pills. This began in the morning and by afternoon we were convinced we had another success on our hands. He was walking unassisted, talking easily, and seeming really good all around. At 8pm Alex had walked into his bathroom to brush his teeth (his favorite privilege here) and upon returning to his bed completely froze. Completely. His eyes were huge, he was shaking, sweating, and having muscle spasms all over. One of my saddest moments as there was nothing I could do to help besides call his nurse. After about 10 minutes & some strong medicine, he had returned to a more calm, relaxed state. This happened several more times and he is growing very tired. Each time his heart rate and pulse are racing and he's so stiff I couldn't move him if my life depended on it. Although visiting hours are over, I will be staying tonight as I'm afraid that he won't be able to call for help on his own if another episode arises. The hope now for Monday is to meet with his doctor to figure out a better pain management plan. That plan can't come soon enough for me! Alex on the other hand, while obviously wanting to be pain-free, is still maintaining his graciously patient ways. He is constantly thankful to all who are helping him and still remaining focused on his faith that God will not give him more than he can handle.

"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death. " ~Thomas Paine